Why Don’t I Get Invited to More Things?


by Don Smith

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For years, I wrestled with the question, “Why don't I get invited to things?” I would see pictures of people hanging out and having fun together and think, “I'm a great guy; why don't they invite me?” Eventually, I figured it out and started getting invited to parties and other events. Here is what I changed.

Why Don’t I Get Invited to More Things?

The Wrong Question

If you are struggling with this issue, you probably ask the wrong question as I did. I was constantly asking myself, “Why am I not getting invited to more things?” but I should have asked myself, “Why don't I invite people to more things?”!

Why don't I invite people to more things?

Change the question, and you'll find your answer.

Invite Others

Friends talking at the park.
Create groups for people doing stuff you like to do and invite them.
Photo by Ben Duchac on Unsplash

Create spaces for people to socialize and invite them to those places! Stop waiting around for everyone to invite you, and start inviting them. They may be thinking what you have been thinking, “Why don't I get invited to more things?”! If both you and your potential friends are waiting on an invite, you'll be waiting a long time!

If both you and your potential friends are waiting on an invite, you'll be waiting around for a long time!

Stop waiting, and be the one who reaches out!

Invite people to do things you want to do!

Don't Get Discouraged

Please realize that if this is new to you, you will get many people saying they can't come when you invite them. That's perfectly normal! Don't beg them to go, and don't get discouraged. Invite someone else and ask them again later.

Inviting others to a card game - photo of people playing cards at a party.
Try inviting a bunch of people to a card game if you like cards, but don't be discouraged if they have other plans.
Photo by Inês Ferreira on Unsplash

If you invite enough people to things, more than likely, some of them will start returning the favor. There is a good chance you will even get to the point where you have to choose which invitations to accept.

Put a Smile on Someone's Face

Smile to get more invites - photo of a dog with a huge smile on its face.
Everyone likes a positive friend.
Photo by Jonathan Daniels on Unsplash

Another way to ensure you get invited is to work to put a smile on people's faces. Everyone likes being around a positive person, so avoid being negative at events and look for ways to hand out genuine compliments. Like someone's shirt? Tell them!

Put a smile on your face, even if you're not feeling it. The world is often a reflection of what you put out, so sending out positive or negative vibes will often end with them reflected back to you. Choose carefully.

The world is a mirror, so invite others if you want to be invited, and smile at others if you want to be smiled at. Photo of a baby smiling at the mirror.
The world is a mirror, so invite others if you want to be invited, and smile at others if you want to be smiled at.
Photo by Shot By Ireland on Unsplash

Bring your best self to the party, invite others to stuff you host, and you may find yourself invited to the next one!

Additional Resources

If you are struggling with starting up conversations or building relationships, try reading up on the available research on this subject. There are many excellent books out there for that, like Click: The Magic of Instant Connections.  More suggestions are in the relationship section of our top book recommendations for personal growth.

Change The Question, and You'll Find Your Answer!

Why Don’t I Get Invited to More Things?

About the Author 

Don Smith

Happily married with five kids, Smith owns a technology company, has served on the board of directors for multiple companies, and loves playing soccer, hiking, and mentoring.

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